A note to 小人

Hello outsiders (people who are not my friends or barely know me),

You talk about me because you heard about me from someone, you then discussed and gossip to other people. That's how when stories become more interesting and widely spread.

Sometimes I heard people talk about me, most of the time I ignore and never really give explanation because I think it's unnecessary, you are not my friend and it's none of your business. Because I never really explain, so people think that whatever they say is right.

It's affecting my life, I have to say.

A fortune teller told me that I need to kick out the 小人 (xiao ren = people who talk bad about you) from my life. At first, I think I never really care what people say about me. Then my second thought was, I guess it's true. These people are affecting my life.

Most of you are curious about my previous relationship. Even when it's over for a long time, people still ask. I never really talk about it because it's hard to explain what we had really been through and it's really none of your business.

People been saying how bad I treated my ex. Do you think you know everything? Is it true I treated him badly? There's always a reason/story behind. If I am really that bad, I guess my ex would hate me. But we both understand what's going on and there are things that we agree with each other. Our relationship is just between us, it's up to us how we wanna deal with it, so outsiders, why you care?

I didn't want to settle down when I was 23. But it doesn't mean, now at 25, I don't wanna settle down. People came and told me that they heard I'm playful and don't wanna settle down yet. Yup it's true, I said that 2 years ago, but that statement doesn't apply anymore.

We make mistakes. We learn from it. Whatever I did in the past, it's past. Even if my ex treated me badly, it's just between us ba. Why wanna judge us from our past? Why wanna judge us from what people say? And I believe people who always talk about me are not my friends or barely know me. Because if you ask my close friends about me, most probably they know it better.

Funny thing is, when you, outsider asked my bff about me, and she told you what's really happening and you said "No le, a lot of people say eahui bla bla bla." True, a lot of people because they spread it and they might not be updated. After all, it's up to you whether you want to listen to the gossips.

I don't mind, if you're my friend and you ask me about what you heard. If I don't feel comfortable answering it, I'll just honestly tell you.

My resting bitch face is just so not friendly, I'm sorry. I'm actually smiling but I look like I'm not *roll eyes*.

People tend to tell me to ignore what people say. It's up to them whether they wanna listen to me or the 3rd 4th 5th 6th parties. Yes, I don't need to care but they are talking about ME, it's affecting my life, it's affecting how people look at me. I just don't wish people are gossiping for fun but affect me. There was one time, it made my family worried, and that's not very nice.

Just ask me if you wanna know more about me. Don't ask if you prefer to listen to others.

Thanks.
Love,
The Owner of this space

Google image

Yupe, my daddy looks young at his age!

I know Father's Day was a month ago lol But I would like to write a post about my dad.

There's no doubt that, and everyone knows that my dad loves me a lot since I was a baby. He never scold me nor shout at me. If he wanna teach me a lesson, he would say it nicely. And I love him too of course. 

My dad is a businessman. He once said that because he's always busy at work, and only able to accompany his kids at night and on Sunday, he will always try to fulfill the wants of his kids. i.e. to buy toys his kids ask for.

I guess, it's my dad who made me an independent person because I always see my dad work hard to give us a better living. He told me that he didn't have much money left after he married my mom and when I was born. He said he worked really hard to support the family. My mom said that my dad didn't give her too much allowance to allow her to go to the salon and pamper herself. However, as years pass by, my dad started to give more allowance to my mom, he owned a shop in around 1990 and I guess that's when we are more financially stable.

10 random facts about my dad and I:

1. When I was a teen, my dad taught me that if I want to go to party, it's better to tell mom "Mom, I'm going to my friend's house for dinner." It sounds way better than the word "party". lol

2. May be it's hard to believe but my dad can weigh the luggage bags accurately by his hands. Who the hell can feel the difference between 10 and 11kg? My dad does!

3. My dad helped me out in Kuala Lumpur to make sure I have everything I need during my 1 year stay in KL. Was so upset and cried so hard when he left.

4. My dad is very generous because he likes to treat people foods LOL that's seriously one thought that comes to my mind if you ask me what kind of person is he.

5. I was looking for a job 2 years ago and I wrote my dad's company as reference. The interviewer called my dad and asked about my personality. And my dad answered " that's my daughter and  did she apply a job in your company? No need to hire her la, she's going to work temporary only!" And I went =.="

6. My dad is loving husband/father. I never seen my parents fight. He carries shopping bags for me like a boyfriend. 

7. I was 17 when I got my first bf. My dad was so angry and he talked to me so loud and said it was too young for me to have a bf. The next day he texted me Sorry, he was too stress at work, he didn't mean to be so mad at me. 

8. There was a rumor last year about someone saw my dad and a lady in Miri early morning on a Monday at a cafe eating breakfast. My eyes were so big and almost upset and hoped it wasn't real. That person who saw was asking someone else "that boss is not married yet?" Hey wait...which Monday? That lady was me! =.=" 

9. My maid asked my mom about me , "is that boss's mistress?" Oh come on!!! What's wrong with my maid thinking mistress stays with the wife under one roof?

10. Any movie scenes about dad and daughter can make me cry. Like the movie San Andreas. 

My dad always try to give us as much love as he can, especially to support financially. I never know how is the financial status of my dad. He supported me through university and my make up course. I asked his opinion about taking make up course in KL, he supported me. 

After that, something  came up and I need to always travel to Singapore, Miri and Brunei every three weeks for a year. I feel really sorry to my dad whenever I cause trouble especially when large amount of money is needed, I always tell myself I have to work hard to pay back him. 

I also feel thankful to my dad as he helps me whenever I got problems, especially when he supported me financially to travel every three weeks just to make my wish come true, i.e. to complete my makeup course. 

My dad is my hero and to show love, I wanna get his face inked on my body. lol Just kidding. 

Father's day and Mom's birthday celebration

A lil story about my mom and I

Opps a bit blur

Hello darlings! I'm a bad daughter, I don't go back to my hometown often, average once a month, at most twice a month. I always feel like I can't finish my works and I have to stay back and do my things over the weekend. I always try to go home on festivals and my family's birthday. And so, I went back hometown for Mother's day :)

Like usual, the whole family including my grandma, aunties and uncles would have a big family gathering on a mother's day. And there's something that the family would always mention and remember, that is the serious car accident that I had in 2007 on a Mother's day. In 2012, my car was broken and my things got stolen on a mother's day too. Pretty unlucky. But I didn't really avoid anything on this Mother's day.

Anyway, here's a lil story about my mom and I. I was kinda rebellious during the teen and that's the period when I got very negative and I didn't have a good relationship with my mom. I didn't hate her or dislike her, nor shout at her (I never dare to), but just we weren't very close. My mind was rebellious but physically I'm a good girl. 

My mom didn't allow me to do a lot of things, like learning musics, to study abroad or even have a choice to choose my future, didn't allow me to travel with cousins, etc. I listened to her and respected her, and so mentally I became bad. I was very negative. I blamed my brother for making my mom so unfair to me (although there's nothing to do with him) because of his existence. I wanted reasons on why she didn't allow me to do things, but there was always no reason given.

After that, my dad kinda settled the issues, and made everything better.

My mom and I got closer when I studied uni. I always went home and storied her my uni life. It was great and there was so much to share about with my mom. Even until today, when I go home, I tell what I did in the city, and how's work life, how's love life. And my mom would share her stories too.

It's really amazing how things change sometimes. Although my little heart got broken by my mom before, it's so amazing that we can chat a lot today and I always feel comfortable to chat with my mom about my problems, "GIRLS TALK". 

3 things that my mom taught me:

1. Always say nice things about people. 多说好话。She meant like don't say how naughty is that kid running around the restaurant, how ugly is that person, etc. For me, it's ok to complain if things happen to you, but don't criticize or discriminate people especially when they do nothing to you.

She taught me not to encourage people to get divorce no matter how bad is people's relationship. It's people's matter and it would be better to say positive things than negative.

2.  It's more important to have a man who treats you well than having a rich man. For example, my dad. ^^

3. 退一步，海阔天空。Calm down and don't say too much to avoid arguments. My mom is so good at this and trust me, I never seen my parents fight this 25 years. Sometimes my dad would say something which if I'm his wife, I would say "I dare you to say one more time!" but my mom would always keep quiet when necessary. In a way, my mom is kinda always give way to make things better. 

My mom can really speak in a sweet tone like a girl sometimes which I find it disgusting at times. She can sound so manja =.=" tell me how can my dad's heart don't melt!? lol

I really feel thankful to my mom for everything. I'm glad to have a mom who likes to make herself pretty and that's what that have made the Eahui today. I always see my mom does her nail polish, makeup, dress up and shopping (opps). I learnt half of my mom's pattern. She taught me to use the blue Maybelline mascara when I was in high school haha 

I wish I can save enough money asap to bring my mom to travel Japan, that's her dream :)

till next time, smoooch!

Finally met Baby Arthur

I feel so guilty and unbelievable for not updating for a month, how can that happen!? Every time I wanna blog but just too tired to do so (Damn, I'm like saying this in every post, but it's true). It takes me few hours to write a good post, so yea. 

Finally I met this little boy, Arthur, after 9 months. If you don't know, he's Carol's son. He smiles always and is a very cute boy. I don't see toys in their house when I visited them, aiya, this Carol ah, she didn't buy any toys for him. But recently I saw some toys with Arthur through online so I believe his mom had bought him some.

I last seen Carol in March when she was still pregnant. Then one day she fell sick. Brunei doctors couldn't cure her then she went to Kuching. Although I went to her house the day before she went to Kuching, but I didn't see her as she was really unwell. I texted her the day she went to Kuching but for two days she didn't reply and she seemed like didn't even see her phone. Till I saw a post on Facebook which was really shocking and broke my heart. She was in ICU and in coma. She got tonsils but it's way more dangerous than normal patient who got tonsils. It was scary.

Every day I got Carol's situation updated from the sister. It can be a good news today, and bad news the next day. So my mood was like a roller coaster. I felt hopeful for a time, and so upset the next second. Then after that I knew it was an induced coma because she was in a great pain so doctors made her to sleep.

It was great to know Carol finally woke up after, I guess 3-4 weeks. Then she started to go through this treatment to make her recover. She was in pain too :'(. During her painful times, it was my down times too. I wanted to go visit Carol so much but I couldn't really make it. Ok, I guess I can finally reveal a bit. I was kinda hard to go Malaysia this year because I got arrested by the Malaysia Immigration for some stupid reason which really freaks me out which they made it so serious but actually it's not that serious. Then something something made my trips to Malaysia VERY troublesome.

It's was touching to see Carol now who is active and crazy like before. She's very optimistic where her happiness can actually influence others. I believe she recovers not only because she's strong, but also the support she got from the family and friends, especially her husband.

I don't know how many guys now can be supportive till the end like her hubby. It's not an easy task to look after a patient, for a long period some more. I got this thought recently, from what I have experienced and seen, guys (majority) nowadays are so not reliable (no matter financially or loyalty). I feel lucky that Carol has a hubby who can look after her during her hard times.

Saying the marriage vows during the wedding is not for fun. Some people say it because it's like a usual process in a wedding but how many can keep the promise? "I take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us apart...." And her hubby said "Marriage is about life time commitment in good times and tough times". 

I wish, I can marry someone who really loves me and I love him too ofcourse, and take care of me, spend the happiness and down times together, for life :D

My June in words

OMG...It's been a month that I did not update this space. I've been pretty busy, life's been happening (good way and bad way), too crazy...I didn't take much pictures recently and I won't for the coming 1-2 months because my phone is broken. I have registered for the DST package to get that iPhone5, so I'm still in the Q yea.

I didn't have wifi during my trip in KL, so I didn't online much too.

My house got broke in, so there was two days for me to settle everything and repair the damaged stuffs. I was alone at 1am when I found out my house got broke in, I thank god I'm safe although things got stolen =.=

I was able to watch one movie, X-Men. Although I fell asleep for 5-10 min, but the movie was good. And I want to watch Transformer!

Few Brunei friends went to KL and so I brought them around to....party. hah!

I'm now preparing for my make up career and I feel slightly stress, I don't know why. I'm applying for a job that commensurate my Bachelor of Business Admin too. Any recommendations?

Life's been great. Although sometimes bad things happen to me, but it's good to learn from mistakes and at least I'm safe 平安就好。I'll be crazy busy in July, and hopefully I can update a lil bit here. Let's see hehe.

Tata, *smooch*.

Miss the egg Benedict! So hungry nao...><

No excuses, Just do it!

Have you ever hesitate when you wanna do something? Maybe because of money, time, weather, transport problem, or any other reasons that stop you from doing something? May be because you don't have a companion. It would be worse if it's something you have been wanting to do and you still hesitate just because of lil issues.

For me, I always tell myself, "Just do it if I can." Before, I always hesitate and think too much when I wanna do something. Mostly, it was because of my parents, may be I wasn't sure if they allow me to do (I'm weak in front of my parents), sometimes I find it troublesome to go somewhere, sometimes I would think "oh it looks like it's gonna rain." All these are excuses, seriously! Deep in my heart, I want to go somewhere or do something so badly. We hesitate because it's out of our comfort zone.

Sometimes I hear my friends saying they wanna do something but they don't have a companion. We differ from each other, our goals are different. If you wanna do something when only your friend join, just wait till the end of your life la. Yes, it would be more fun if you have a companion, but depend what you wanna do. Sometimes, you can just do it alone, maybe like visiting a country which has lesser entertainments, if you know what I'm trying to say. You can backpack and you could meet other backpackers too! Or through Couchsurfing.

I have a friend who wanted to meet her superstar idol from Hong Kong. Hardly got chance to meet right? Free entrance some more. But because she thought the event would be cancelled due to the bad weather, so she didn't go. Unfortunately, the event still went on. See, too much hesitation making yourself regret.

When I came to KL, the ChurpOut event by Nuffnang was held. The blogger celebrities I know like Cheesie, Audrey and Timothy Tiah would be there, and I was excited that I must meet them and take picture with them. As I need to take a cab to reach there, so I hesitated due to my safety. I'm afraid of taking cabs after reading too much news about taxi rape or rob. I wandered around at the taxi station thinking like an hour to decide whether to go or not. Then I took out my little gut and I went to the event. Lucky I did and I was so glad that I meet them and also a new friend from Couchsurfing.

As I have little friends in KL, so mostly, if I wanna attend events which I'm interested, if I can't find anyone, I would just go myself. Waiting for a companion is just gonna make me miss a lot of experiences or opportunities.

I'm writing this because I heard too much from friends saying what's stopping them from doing something. Sometimes it's really not a big issue.

If it's time, maybe try to adjust your schedule. If really can't, then next time lo. (that's why sometimes my schedule is quite tight because I try to make it to every events lol)

If it's girlfriend/boyfriend issue, hah! It's good to respect your bf/gf, but for me, I don't really care if my bf tells me "I don't allow you to go Japan with your friends; You can't go to your friend's party because your ex would be there." *roll eyes*

If it's money issue, try to save. 2 years, 4 years, as long as you try to save, your dream would come true one day.

If it's weather issue....can you go long piang (hit the wall)?

My weakness is my parents. If they say NO, siap, all my plans will be throwing into the bin. Because I respect them, I don't want they get mad or worried. But....sometimes I just break the rule. Or I tell them firmly, I WANT TO GO! You have to know your limit, as long as it's not something bad that's gonna harm you or your family, then should be fine. I know my dad's gonna stop me from travelling with my boyfriend, ahh~ let's see how I deal with it.

Ganbatte kudasai darlings. Just do it before you regret. 

It's not OK at all to cheat on!

I don’t really talk about my relationship, or may be I only talked about the happy ones. Actually I had bad experiences in my relationships. I got cheated a lot, different kinds of cheating. I don’t have a lot of boyfriends….yet. My first relationship was around 4 years and the 2^nd one for 10 months, just FYI.

Since I always post the good side of my relationship, now I talk about the bad ones. May be this can be a read for guys, at least for you to know what are the don’ts? These are based on my experiences, feelings, personality and opinions.

First, what kind of girlfriend am I? I’m not a gf who controls bf a lot, I allow my bf to go out with his girlfriends but not the ex (unless high school ex); it’s ok to go home late; he can go travel with his friends, etc. OK, since I don’t really control, basically my bf has quite a lot of freedom to have his own life. How kind can I be? I forgave my ex, twice, for making "love" with other girls. How did I find out? His love biteS!

A brief of my type of guy: doesn’t really party, doesn’t really drink, it’s ok to smoke but too over is a NO to me. So I will always expect my bf is a good boy since he doesn’t party. Then I learnt that the typical good bf (doesn’t drink and party), doesn’t mean he doesn’t cheat!

1. It’s not OK to date/go out with my best friend without telling me.  

Bf: It was just a dinner, nothing else, I never touch her.

Gf: Then why are you hiding it from me?

Bf: I was afraid that you would mind.

Gf: Then why still wanna do things that I’m not happy of?

See, this is what I’ll be mad of. First, I’m OK for my bf to go out with anyone, including my friends, but if   

he hides it from me, isn’t this suspicious? Then there must be something behind that they don’t want to let 

me know. May be…scandalizing? Nah…

Second, if my bf knows I’m not happy, then why do? Why? Is my best friend more important than me?

    I confronted this friend, then she told me “Everyone lies.” F*ck You. YES! Everyone lies. I lied my  

    parents, my friends, but I never lie to my bf. OK, may be lied about little things like “I drank only one  
    tin of beer.” Can you imagine how pek cek was I when my friend sided my bf telling me- it’s ok~ 
   everyone lies, not a big deal. Excuse me. You cheat on your bf, or may be you don’t mind your bf to 
   cheat on you, then it’s your business. I’m not OK for my bf to cheat on me.

2. I’m OK for my bf to call other girls Sweetie, Darlings, Dear, Pretty, etc. but no sweet talk! Am I too dumb to be ok? Well, I can understand because some guys call me “Pretty” too, it doesn't mean we have something shady behind. Why the bfs want to sweet talk with other girls? It’s doesn't make you any charm. It makes the girls think that you’re not a good bf, and you’re not making your gf proud!

3. Gf: Why you cheat on me? Why did you bring her to your home!?

Bf: I’m not cheating. I just invited her to have a dinner. My parents were at home too.

F*ck you! It makes no sense at all. It doesn't make me feel any better to know that your family was at home  

too. So? I tell you, I brought my scandal home and had a nice dinner with my family. Are you ok? I don’t 

see it makes sense at all. In addition to this suspicious case, why you didn’t tell me that you invited her 

home?

Guys, things that are related to other girls, and if you don’t inform your gf, it’s considered a cheat because you hide it. When you don’t inform, no matter it’s just a dinner, a gathering, a discussion, etc, when your gf finds out, it really makes thing suspicious.

4. Bf: I treat you good enough, I bought you branded stuffs, I cook for you every day……….

So…I have to accept it when you have a scandal!? ……………….hello bf, answer me please.

Treating someone good is easy, I treat my bf good too. But doesn’t mean that my bf can cheat on me. I can find a better guy who treats me nice and doesn’t cheat :)

You can blame her scold her for making a small matter such a big deal, for being suspicious and like a psycho, HEY, you have the responsibility to be honest to your gf, to make your gf feels secure and comfortable.

OK, I shouldn’t be bias. Girls cheat too, I know.

A happy relationship is when it’s comfortable. It’s when little things can make each other happy.- quoted by Carol Lim. *wink*

FAQ: Why do you take make up course when you're a BBA holder?

Is it surprise to know that a Bachelor of Business Admin (BBA) holder is taking make up course? A lot of people, basically everyone who asked me, were shocked to hear when I said "I just done my degree, and I'm taking make up courses." They think it's weird like, how Business course relate to Make up course. HOW HOW!!??

When I was in Form 6:

I considered taking beauty course, learning skin and facial. However, I am born with sensitive pimply skin, leaving a bit scars, which I don't think it's persuasive when I wanna open up a beauty business, no matter how good am I (most people look at packaging yea). 

2nd reason, my dad said it would be more stable if I have a higher education. At least if I fail in any business that I wanna open, I have a degree cert to work in other companies. 

Around the age of 16:

I have this interest for beauty and make up. I understand how sensitive skin works, because I have one. I dislike when those salespersons approach me and say "This product can cure your pimples." F*ck you, you see any pimples on my face? Show me show me!!! These are the scars, and your product can't sure scars *kick ass*. 

Because I have a not-so-pretty skin, I started to make up to beautify myself. After that, I learnt that it's not about beautify my skin, but the whole face. 

Age 16: I took my first make-up course that costs around BND$200. It's a personal make up course.

Age 20: I took the second one to learn new stuffs, costs BND 100+. I also went to various make up workshops.

Age 23: I decided to take a professional make up course. Mainly to learn how to make up people and make them pretty :)

P/S: I spend so much money to be a professional make up artist. It's not right to ask for a free make up lesson for you, ok~

OK. Why I learn make up?

For me, BBA is just a knowledge. We learn from there how to run a business. But....what kind of business should we own? It's not like doctor, pharmacist, an artist, engineer, etc. Business is Very Very general. 

I don't have special skills. I don't play good piano, I'm bad in sports, can't sing well, not a fashion designer, half bucket water of graphic design, etc. I don't have a skill which I can be proud of. I may know a lot of stuffs, but I'm not an expert at any one of them.

If I only have that BBA cert, I think, unless I meet a really good opportunity, I would be just working for people, in banks or office. 

In addition, I'm not a person who can sit on a chair for long hours, doing the same thing everyday. I doze off every time, I'm serious. Sometimes I even go to my car and nap for a 10 min. 

I like active works! May be works with discussions, creativity...or outstation. I would love a job which needs me to travel around, that would be cool ^^

So I decided to take make up as my professional skill. If one day I got fired, or I fire my boss, I still can work by myself. 

It's all because there was one day, I asked myself "What skill do I have besides studying all day here to get a degree cert? I know nothing except for submitting my coursework and fill up my exam paper. I joined PSK or PSR but I still suck at table tennis. I don't know how to play music. I only know how to make up myself, but not people. Seriously, what else do I know besides completing my degree? NOTHING!"

I am a learner since young. I like to learn new stuff. During Uni, I learnt quite a few things like graphic design, Japanese, design a web and game, photography, etc. After my degree, I took piano class. I waited for my graduation ceremony, and went to take my make up course immediately. I don't wanna waste any seconds in my life. I just wanna get everything done asap, and I needa job so desperately!

These are my works :) Can't wait to go back KL.

Live. Don't Just Exist

Live life to the fullest! I'm 23 and time flies. A blink of eye, I'll be in my 30s and married (maybe). I fear of regrets, so when I want to do something, I'll do it (especially when I'm in my 20s, young and still energetic). Just like my dream of being a professional make-up artist, I don't even want to waste any time, so I'm attending the classes right after I graduate in September. But sometimes I'm in rush in doing something, somehow turns out bad due to lack of preparation. But we learn from mistakes right right right? So just do it like there's no tomorrow!

Appreciate. I always feel thankful to those who are nice to me, help me, accompany me when I'm down, laugh together when we are happy, etc. These little things I really appreciate and feel awesome to have these people and U to be part of my life. I don't know if some of my friends realise, but I sometimes tell them that I feel lucky to have them. Just have to tell my feelings to them! I thank YOU for reading my blog, so it's alive and not dead >< Sometimes people tell me they read my blog, I'll feel a bit paiseh and a bit 暗爽 (an shuang/happy secretly) too. Then I'll start reading back my blog to see if I write anything embarrassing. If you love someone, tell him/her/them before it's too late. I LOVE YOU *smooch smooch smooch* 

I'm a person who mind a lot of how people think of me. People would say "Be yourself!" But when I'm wearing pretty, it would be because I want people think I'm pretty. So when people think I'm wearing weird, then I may probably just change my style. But it depends. I still insist in my own way most of the time. In a bad way, stubborn? lol I have my own style ok! People were talking about how ridiculous I dyed that hair color, but I don't really care as there are people who think it's nice *wink*. And I'm a fan of hair dye, I like to dye my hair multiple colors, I want to try all colours before I die! I'm so excited that I'm going to dye my hair soon, it's gonna be Irish Summer (I just discussed it with my hair stylist this morning). Any idea what kind of colour is that? Will show you when I got it done. I always afraid the colour turns out shitty and not what I want, but sometimes it's hard to control the colour I guess.

Post is getting longer and you're yawning? oppps....So Live your life to the fullest because YOLO! It will be really awesome if I can be positive everyday, happy everyday, forgive and forget, etc. I'm still learning. We learn to improve ^^

That's it for today and I like that picture above. Happy weekend gorgeous!

Pregnant? Not an easy job.

Sometimes reading got me depress. Recently I read some posts/videos of pregnant moms talking about their problems during their pregnancy, I feel sad and kinda fear of pregnancy already. Every time when I have problems/pains on my body, I always think "How to feel un-pain and normal like these people beside me" because whenever I'm in pain and envy my friends who are feeling normal, I wonder "Do they feel my pain? They will never understand how pain am I." I sound so emo now ><

The worst pain I had suffer was 耳水不平衡 (imbalance water in the ear), that caused me feeling SUPER dizzy, everything I see is spinning around, I mean my vision really spins! I couldn't tilt my head but to keep straight and that's mean I can't sleep. Once I lye down, it's hard for me to get up, and that's mean I lye on bed for few days. Chien visited me last time, she saw the ugliest me ever, and I can't believe she looked at me throwing up and didn't feel disgusting? May be she thought it was disgusting, but there to support. I had this when I was having a flu, and doctor said flu may cause this imbalance. So whenever I have a lil flu, I'll take medicine immediately. Whenever this happens, seriously, how I wish I'm dead so I don't even have to suffer. Yes, that awful.

Anyway, I just feel that pregnancy is dangerous. Some women die just by being pregnant. Or worse, getting stroke, depression, etc. I wish I'm one of the healthy pregnant women giving birth to a healthy baby. And if I face the pregnancy problems, I wish that my husband gives patience to support me.

A lil update about moi. God, my plans keep changing. I can't picture the future anymore. Supposedly, I'm going to KL for the course in December, but my sister forgot that I'm going to KL and she's coming back in Dec, she told me that she's coming back in November at first. So, guess I'm not gonna wait for her, so I may go to KL earlier, like in Oct? And it all depends whether my new house will be done by then or not.

And supposedly, I'm going for a short holiday this coming Saturday, but my grandpa is sick, so.....kinda not sure if I'm still going for this holiday or not.

Sometimes things just can't go smoothly like we plan. We can't even predict the future, things sometimes happen too sudden...

惹老娘生气是呗

今天火气超暴！有些人没有看到我抓狂他们心里就是不爽。我今天没有耐心entertain人，我讲了，你不听就算。不要逼我逼到用很粗的语言来骂你，你才甘愿。
没心情讲电话就没心情讲电话，干吗要逼我做我不想做的东西。你又不是我老豆，不是我娘，不是我男人，更何况你打给我是要跟我吵架，白痴才会接你电话。
我是不会接弄我pek cek 的人的电话。你打来要问我为什么没有让你请吃饭，你叫我怎样答你，你讲啊！我没有让你请你已经“汗凡” 啦！还要像警察审问犯人。你觉得我还敢找你meh!

我知道我自己的脾气。我已经警告过你不要再讲了，你偏要讲。讲到我火山爆炸，你才知怕。太迟了！！！已经爆了！

我最讨厌那种人，明明我不生气，他偏要惹我，最后还要怪我stubborn!? 吃屎啦你！我鄙视你*鄙视 hand sign* ！

我弟最无辜啦，给我欺负了一整天。

Mission impossible going to be possible

Hello, I'm still the same, jobless. haha I'm jobless but not useless or lifeless. Here to inform you that MissFab has just updated! I'm now looking for more great stuffs and share with you guys, so do go check out MissFab sometimes.

Life is so normal that sometimes we need to go out of our comfort zone. I'm doing something adventurous and not very comfortable tomorrow, i.e. going to Miri. (you say: WHAT!!??? what so adventurous?) Although I may have gone to Miri 'N' times in these 23 years, but I never drive to Miri and I don't know the ways, not a bit! Not sure why but I just can never remember directions till I drive myself.

I can't read maps, so I'm gonna depend on a hand-drawn map by a friend lol 3 of us are going down together. I'm driving, 2 of us have no idea about the directions, another is gonna be quiet and voice out when we are seriously wrong! lol Like suiciding. I plan to go on the weekday so there's lesser cars but I didn't aware of puasa, sigh, I lazy to re-plan again because I've been wanting to go Miri since forever, I mean We.

As I grow older, more friends are getting married, feel excited for them. The more exciting part is I'm joining their creative weddings and be their sisters! Can't wait!

Sammi and Andy Lau have a movie in the cinema.

It doesn't look interesting tho, a bit disgusting. Not sure if I will watch this but my idol (Sammi) is acting! Let's see. Not a movie person anyway. 

Can't wait to step in my new life in December in Kuala Lumpur, with a lil bit of fear as it's a new place for me. That's gonna change my life, change my future. I do hope that I make people pretty for my living. That's not gonna happen that soon, it takes time. But if it really goes successful, I'll feel really grateful in my life and thankful to my dad.

Yes, that's all for today. And see if I'll be lost in Miri. lol Happy Puasa to all the Malay friends :)

I tell myself YOLO! Be happy!

Have you ever feel so fed up that you don't wanna do something anymore? Because you have been doing it for nothing? and people may not appreciate it? I am. I didn't keep this in heart, I even confronted that person of telling him/her about the issue, but nothing is changed. Again and again, the same thing happen and I don't want to be stupid anymore.

Have you ever been so mad that you just want that person who shut the f*ck up and listen + digest your words?

Have you ever been so demotivated when no one support you? I'm not that kind of person when someone says "You can't do it" and I'll go "I'll prove to u." Too bad I'm not that kind of person. I'm the kind when you think I can't and keep telling me I can't, fine, I don't do it then. Like when I told someone that I wanna plant flowers in my house, then he laughed "You won't water the plants everyday." Fine! Don't plant then. Demotivated, get it?

When I feel down I can sleep whole day or drink all night, either one. If I sleep then I won't be thinking anything. If I drink and chill with friends, at least there's someone to keep me accompanied. I would love to write, either blog or book, but sometimes I don't know what to write. Just want to record the happy stuffs.

Can't wait to go KL, if not because of graduation and a friend's wedding, I have already left this boring place. Sigh...

Insomnia? I watch videos

I have serious insomnia, it's 3am now. I'm not sure what makes me energetic at this time, but I guess it may be because things keep running in my mind. I keep thinking stuffs like what I'm gonna do, how I'm gonna do etc.

Sometimes I feel sleepy but I don't wanna sleep, I wanna do something! So I'll always watch videos at this time, I'm addicted to watching YouTube and it's a must before I sleep. I have subscribed channels that I like, I'll check them everyday to see if they have any updates then watch them.

The channel that I for sure will watch everyday, because they upload everyday, is The Ellen Show. I like listening to Ellen, she's humorous, the guests are cute and funny, she surprises people, etc, I like everything about the show la. It just make me feel happy by watching it.

I like this kid with lots of expressions lol

I like to watch what people do in their personal life, which it's called Vlogs. Ofcourse, not everyone that I'm interested. Normally famous people, and my idol maybe. So I watch Daily dose of Bubz. She's from HongKong, she's active, cute, funny and her dogs are cute! I like the way she talks too.

She does make up tutorial too but I don't really watch them because....

...I prefer Michelle Phan's. I'll faint happy if I meet her one day. I was impressed by her Lady Gaga's make up few years ago, then I started watching her. She's so good in making up herself, and ofcourse, I like listening to her ^^ Besides make up tutorial, I like watching her favourites. Because compare to other videos, she talks more in her favs. 

If I don't feel like watching short clips, I'll watch 康熙來了. The show is funny, esp the female host.

I have the same reason of watching these videos, that is, I like listening to them, I like the way they talk. I don't really like watching those people with Australian accent, I guess. I'm not really sure if that's an Australian accent, they have heavy 'th' or 'f' sound. They sound like there's a hole between their teeth and has lots of wind coming out while talking. 

Like this:

I'm not hating people with these accent, but I just dislike watching them. It makes me headache =.="

I need to try to sleep, goodnight :)

Exam mode

I have done studying for later exam but I haven't start studying Tues's examS. I want to study the Tues's now but I'm afraid I'll get mixed up with the later one =.=" I'm tired and unhappy :(

I'm tired because I feel sleepy everytime I study.

I'm unhappy because I don't understand why some guys just get angry so easily =.=" Don't they know how to make a girl happy by not making those grumpy faces. You are wondering what makes me so pek cek. So I was telling this guy "Don't talk when I talk." I am just fed up with people who start talking when I haven't finish talking. The next thing he said was "I don't talk then". Wtf My fault ah?

But there's something that makes me happy. First, because I'm typing now ^^ I just need to express how I feel sometimes, else I'll die of keeping too much. The main happiness is I'm gonna start my new life in a day. One more day left as a student. Pretty much fun being a student and I guess it's time to earn my own income to pursue my dreams.

Anyway, it's 2am now and I'm gonna have my beauty sleep. Urm...well...2am....not beauty anymore. This might be the last post you hear me complaining about exams. I'm gonna miss student life! Goodnight xoxo

Another stage of life

Here's an update about myself if you're interested because I'm going to another stage of life. I officially quitting my student life on the last day of April. Not gonna get MBA (master) as I really cannot study anymore, my brain is full, I dislike exams, I dislike writing reports :(

Some of my friends can't wait to end this semester, but I definitely hope I can stay a lil bit longer as a student. Uni really gives me too much memories, like working with different people, the activities, the hostel life with the hostel mates etc. I guess hostel life is something I'll miss the most. I remember how me and my school mates complain about hostel because it's hot, it's not convenient when it comes to cooking, sometimes dirty toilets. But after some time, I have get used to it. Sometimes rather stay in hostel than going back home.

I'm not sure how's my life gonna be when I step into the society. I hope it's not all about working in the office. I have few plannings which I don't know but I hope it all comes true and successful as I don't have the capabilities at the moment and need the financial support from my dad. Ofcourse, later when I start working, I hope I can make my dreams all come true by myself and maybe friends' assistance I perhaps.

Currently, I'm still working on my e-boutique which will be launch soon I hope, because I have lots of assignment lately x.x

I'll be working hard and go travel around the world. Tokyo is the first in my list. YAY!

Seriously I don't have time to study anymore at this age, I don't know how my friends can make it to master. By the time they start working is like 25 already. Then in 2-3 years it's time to get married, not enough $$ to get married by that time right?

Wish me luck.

What do I seek in life?

A friend asked me this.

1. Experiences. I would like to have a lot of experiences in my life, big and small, good and bad, everything! Sometimes we just have to break the rule. Opps, like something bad to learn here huh. I grow up in a traditional family, not very traditional but not very open too. My childhood life had a lot of canning, so it has created a kind of attitude of mine that I don't really dare to do a lot of things just to respect my parents. I dislike making lies because it's tiring to have another lie to cover one another.
.
So what I do is to beautify the situation using pretty words to make my parents allow me to do some stuffs. For example, if party is a sensitive word because my mom would think I'm going to drink. Then I'll say "mami, I'm going for a dinner tonight." This is a trick taught by my dad btw. haha But this no more longer happens now as I grow older. We face different difficulties at every age.

Riding on the thrills are great experiences. And also playing water sports which I don't really dare to play in the future again due to the fear of sharks and jelly fish. So I feel lucky that I experienced water sports before. I experienced snow, skiing, Mt. Kinabalu canopy walk, table tennis tournaments, modelling, jumped over the tennis net and broke my nose, worked in a lot of companies, party 2 nights in a row without sleeping, all these all these are wonderful experiences isn't it. Even being cheated by boyfriend is an awesome experience too. Do I sound sarcastic? lol

2. Excitement and adventure. Breaking the rules, riding on the thrills, met celebrities, happening party, being asked for a date, travelling, etc. Sometimes when I got too excited, I need to calm myself down for a day as I'll feel "I'm so excited! Is this me? Am I still me? Better cool down and figure if I'm still me." x.x Something like that.

I used to be adventurous and daring to try out everything then I realised as I grow older, my guts become smaller. I watched too much scary news regarding how people die during bungee jump and in hot hair balloon, etc. I watched final destination that makes my gut even smaller. However, there are times when I'm not even fear of anything, super hyper to do something extraordinary. Yea, but it's like 3/10 times. =.="

I love travelling! Every one's dream is to travel around the world, so do I. I'ma save part of my income for travelling when I start working. I wanna go everywhere, experience different cultures, try different cuisines, meet different people etc. I'm not saying only, I will make all these come true ok.

We seek everything good in our lives. Of course, before doing all the exciting stuffs we must have good health, then good income, then good life.

Good Health + Good Income = Awesome Life

Watched a news few days ago about an Australian guy who completed 100 things to do in his life in 2 years Read More 

Ima come out with mine too :)

What type of person am I to my friends

My friend, Shimmy, went to Labuan during Chinese New Year. Then I told her...

Me: I never been to Labuan. Will you have boat sick?

She: Oh, no. YOU will definitely love the boat ride!

The image in my mind was like those western music videos, a white nice boat with bikini girls, nice music and have a bar. And you can stand at the boat side feeling the wind like the Titanic. Which I think it's kinda impossible to have those things on the way to Labuan, then I asked her...

Me: Why?

She: When you step into the boat, you will be showered with attention by the workers down there. They will say HI and Gong Xi Fa Chai to you.

Me: (a bit kek tio) wtf, I don't like that.

She: Then there was a lot of kids in the boat.

Me: (kek tio again) Ya, I like kids but not those whom I don't know =.=" (which means I like my friends' or relatives' kids)

My hobby is working part time

I was working on my part time job and now taking a break for a while, else my hand and fingers are gonna break. I always enjoy working on my part time. 

I started to earn side income when I was 13. I experienced a lot of part time and never stop working until last year because I had my internship for 6 months and another 6 months I was really busy in uni. 

Sometimes my friends would ask me what I'm busy about? And they would tell me they have financial difficulties. I would recommend them to find a part time if their school works are not too heavy. I normally work for flexible jobs, and each job lasts for a short period. I don't really experience work stress yet because those are just mini and easy works, and it's my hobby to work part time, I'm always happy working. 

I don't really earn much because most of them are mini jobs, so I earn little by little. I have friends who earn more work for direct sales, tuition tutors or their expertise, for eg, photography. 

When I was in high school, at the age of 13 to 17, I sell stuffs to earn commission. My customers were all my school mates lol. I sold fashion accessories, valentine gifts and etc that I don't really remember. 

Then I sold pirated cds. I bought empty cds and friends would give me the list of songs they want. I seriously earned a lot from there as I have 2 loyal customers. One who always had singing competitions and need the Minus 1 version of songs; and another who always gave me a list of 20-40 music albums after I done burning each of them. 

When I was 17-19, I helped a friend to sell fashion clothes and earned by commission. Was kinda tough, and I was trying various ways to let people know that I was selling clothes. 

When I was 18-19, I worked in Baiduri Bank Card Centre. Then I realised I'm not an office person. They hired me because they need people to arrange their stuffs, so my work was kinda boring so I yawned a lot, and fell asleep a lot. There was one time I couldn't stand it anymore, I couldn't and didn't dare to sleep in the office, so I went to my car and nap for 10 min. Unfortunately, someone found me sleeping in the car lol Luckily, that was my friend. 

When I was 19 until now, I sometimes will receive work from an IT company. Then I work mostly using laptop or computer. I do most of my work at the clients' office, so I experienced quite a few working environments. 

When I was 22 which was last year, I worked in RBA as a clerk in Customer Relations Section. 

I sometimes work in fairs or events when the company is lack of people to work. I experienced working for GHK roadshow, body guard the Indonesian singers =.=", and a lot of more events.

I also helped a pregnant woman to take maternity photographs, of course pictures are not professional and I did tell her that I had no experience. 

I did direct sales. 

The worst experience was being a sales person. Those kind which you need to approach people, explain the details and sell to them. I met rude people. I met people who did not want to listen to me. When it comes to sales, I'm really suck in it. Somehow you need some thick face and fast moving brain to deal with clients. I need more training in this field. 

I always receive mini jobs whenever a company is lack people to work. Maybe for some of you, these may not consider part time but it's a part time for me doing all these works because I really put effort to do them. 

I appreciate all the experiences the bosses gave me, good and bad one. I'm glad that I have a little experiences in different kinds of work because I can work for everything. I learn from mistakes every time.

It's my hobby to work all these part time jobs and freelances. It relaxes my mind from long hours of studying and hectic course works.

If every thing goes smooth, I may manage an online boutique and work as a make up artist with qualified certificates as my part time ^^ Dreaming is the first step to success.

New Year Resolution

It's 2013 and I'm looking forward to Chinese New Year, and I'm getting older =.= I have to be optimistic to tell myself, "It's ok, those are just numbers." 

My new year resolution:

1. Don't do last minute revise and work! I wanna study earlier and able to sleep during exam period.

2. Enjoy last semester in Uni. Final year is stressful and I wanna enjoy it! I wanna enjoy the time being with my uni mates and hostel mates. I cannot imagine the day we are being separated and have different directions, some wanna complete Masters, some wanna work, some wanna do something else, I'll cry. 

3. Enjoy life more. I don't wanna let the sad, anger and stress to waste my time and put me down. I wanna be healthy and happy with positive energy. I wanna smile to stressful life :) Ganbatte kudasai!

4. To be a neater person. Sometimes I can put things anywhere and tidy up when things got really messy.

5. To learn new things. I love learning.

I think...that's it. Happy New Year! New year new life :D