Sometimes reading got me depress. Recently I read some posts/videos of pregnant moms talking about their problems during their pregnancy, I feel sad and kinda fear of pregnancy already. Every time when I have problems/pains on my body, I always think "How to feel un-pain and normal like these people beside me" because whenever I'm in pain and envy my friends who are feeling normal, I wonder "Do they feel my pain? They will never understand how pain am I." I sound so emo now ><
The worst pain I had suffer was 耳水不平衡 (imbalance water in the ear), that caused me feeling SUPER dizzy, everything I see is spinning around, I mean my vision really spins! I couldn't tilt my head but to keep straight and that's mean I can't sleep. Once I lye down, it's hard for me to get up, and that's mean I lye on bed for few days. Chien visited me last time, she saw the ugliest me ever, and I can't believe she looked at me throwing up and didn't feel disgusting? May be she thought it was disgusting, but there to support. I had this when I was having a flu, and doctor said flu may cause this imbalance. So whenever I have a lil flu, I'll take medicine immediately. Whenever this happens, seriously, how I wish I'm dead so I don't even have to suffer. Yes, that awful.
Anyway, I just feel that pregnancy is dangerous. Some women die just by being pregnant. Or worse, getting stroke, depression, etc. I wish I'm one of the healthy pregnant women giving birth to a healthy baby. And if I face the pregnancy problems, I wish that my husband gives patience to support me.
A lil update about moi. God, my plans keep changing. I can't picture the future anymore. Supposedly, I'm going to KL for the course in December, but my sister forgot that I'm going to KL and she's coming back in Dec, she told me that she's coming back in November at first. So, guess I'm not gonna wait for her, so I may go to KL earlier, like in Oct? And it all depends whether my new house will be done by then or not.
And supposedly, I'm going for a short holiday this coming Saturday, but my grandpa is sick, so.....kinda not sure if I'm still going for this holiday or not.
Sometimes things just can't go smoothly like we plan. We can't even predict the future, things sometimes happen too sudden...